fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
