u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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