Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
