oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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