mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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