and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
no, he came in my armpit
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
