My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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