I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
