So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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