i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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