You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
