we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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