i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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