break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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