So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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