Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
