i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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