i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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