I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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