if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
