I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He shit in the fireplace
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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