So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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