I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
