RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
