we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He shit in the fireplace
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize