4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
