I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
