I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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