Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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