Christians are straight up FREAKS
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
