My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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