youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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