he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
