Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
