she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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