No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
