Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
