Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
