I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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