i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
