Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
