i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
