there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I pour the whiskey from now on
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
