I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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