you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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