Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
