I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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