I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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