Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
