I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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