Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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