dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
