Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
