Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
