you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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