dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am one with the molecules
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
