Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
